Don’t lose yourself!

I started dating a guy in January and cared about him very much. In the beginning all was great. Then I started to notice some things. I was starting to make all the effort in contacting him and meeting up. He said he cared about me, but his actions did not show it.

I could see the warning signs and sensed trouble ahead, and yet I continued. I cared about him very intensely, which took me surprise. I was honest with how I felt. He said he cared, he missed me, etc, and yet I was still making all the effort. [Warning – girls should not chase, it only leads to problems.]

I even started to think about future possibilities of getting together and delaying my plan to go to Japan for him if we got together and it worked out. Crazy right?!

But yes, I was crazy. I was a fool for him and he knew it. He was self-centred, lazy person who was disrespectful in ways and yet I continued to hope that he would like me the same way I liked him. I thought if I showed how nice I can be, how kind and accommodating, sweet and all the things he wanted, he would like me back and show me the attention and affection I needed. Wrong!

In all the heady infatuation for him I lost myself. All my thoughts focussed on him. I lost sight of me as a person and my needs. I forgot my goals and stopped striving for them. I would’ve put my life on hold to give it a chance. And yet it was still not enough.

In essence, I lost my head and my sense of self.

From Leonie Dawson

From Leonie Dawson

Well no more. After being honest with him on how I needed more attention and affection, he was still doing everything on his own terms. Then I got the fade out.

For those who don’t know, the fade out is when someone doesn’t bother to contact you back. They don’t reply to your texts, your calls or messages. It’s like the literally drop off the earth. Sure, it might be easier for the dumper, but it leaves the dumpee in a confused state. You start to wonder ‘Are they okay, what did I do, how can I make this better, do they really care about me, they said they cared and now they won’t contact me’, and so on.

It is a cowardly way out. It’s probably excusable if you don’t know the person very well, but if you have been on dates or were in some kind of relationship/quasi-relationship, have the decency to just let them know that it’s not working out for you. It may seem harsh, but it’s kinder in the end.

What would you prefer? The anxiety-inducing, self-doubting, neurotic state of not knowing what’s going on or being told that “you’re a great person, but I don’t see a future between us”?

Everyone makes mistakes. I’m sure I came across as too strong, maybe a bit neurotic and needy, but I think is what happens when I like someone who leads me on and is selfish (bad case scenario).

Well, there is a lesson in everything. Let guys chase initially. If the guy is not going to call you back or won’t following up on his words, let him go because he is not worth it. Some people are just toxic.

Also, don’t lose yourself. Yes, you may care about someone, but don’t let them become your world and eclipse everything else going on in your life.

It’s your life, so do what you want to do and share it with those who show care and respect. You deserve nothing less.


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