I have a book on love where you think of a question or person and open up randomly to a page that gives you insights. It sounds silly, but it’s surprisingly good I find. Today I saw the book as I was getting ready for work and thought of the guy I recently started seeing. The topic that came up was ‘birth’. It was about birth in the literal sense and birth as the start in something new, such as a relationship. It mentioned that after birth is the period of infancy, which is characterised by vulnerability and the need of nurturing and protection.
This guy is currently on holiday in Spain. I don’t like to admit this, but I’ve missed him. I don’t like being vulnerable and caring about people who may not feel the same way back. He acts like he cares, but he’s not great with constant communication. But what he does say, he actually delivers on, so that’s promising. I messaged him to tell him I miss him, but have received no reply so far. The raw feeling of vulnerability is not nice.
I don’t know what I want from him. I would like to feel more secure and want the mention of exclusivity, but then I’m going to Japan in August. It’s not fair of me to want both and yet I do.