Love vs ego and the need for clarity

I met up with H, the guy I’m kind of seeing, last Friday and had a great time with him. I was a bit surprised that when we met up, he had a friend with him. Then we went to a pub where I met more friends of his! It was my first time meeting his friends and on our 6th (?) date, I met about 8 of them! It was a bit surprise, but I rolled with it and did the best I could. They seemed to like me and said good things about me to H, so I must have made a good enough impression (or they’re too nice to say anything to H!).

On the first date with H, I was by surprised by how we got along. Now as I have seen him more and more, I’m starting to really like him. He’s interesting, I feel safe around him, he can be very sweet and can be challenging, but in a good way. I noticed that I learn a lot from him and I enjoy that. The one thing I don’t like it that when we are apart, he can be bad at keeping in contact. He says it’s been remarked on before and is not intentional because he does care and think about me.

He asked if we could meet midweek and he’ll cook me a meal, which would’ve been great. It’s Wednesday however and I haven’t heard from him about any such meet up.

Half of me wants to hold out and see when he’ll get in contact, but the other half wants to contact him again (I seem to initiate contact mostly).

I believe in ‘He’s just that not into you’ and support the belief that if a guy wants to see you, he will make the effort. But I hate the waiting to hear from him, the fact that I keep loose plans in case he wants to meet up.

Then again, is it my ego that prevents me from contacting him? I wonder how many potential relationships were stopped from developing because of a person’s ego, whether it was due to selfishness or based on fear and being defensive?


I’m finding I’m liking him more and more. I like clarity. I want to ask him if he’s seeing anyone else. I would  like to be in a proper relationship with him, a bona fide girlfriend/boyfriend type of thing, even though I’m still going to Japan in August. These worries come to me particularly at night and keep me awake. I’m sure it’s way too much to ask, but I got to be honest.


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