Newly single and not really feeling any different

So last week I broke up with H. I did mention to him before that I needed more attention, but he did not change. I know me and I needed more attention and affection. I needed to feel that I was supported and could turn to him when in times of need, but I did not have that. Since I saw H so rarely, I forgot sometimes that I was even dating someone! When it comes to the point that you make plans on what to do in the week and you don’t even think of the person, you know something is up. It’s not like I tried. I did try to suggest more activities to him and involved him in things, but he would decline. In the beginning he would be keen to organise when next to meet, but it soon got to the point where he would make very loose plans on when to meet up and sometimes would cancel last minute. I know I deserved more than that.

So last Wednesday, I contacted him and told him how I felt and said that I just didn’t feel he was a part of my life. I’m going to Japan soon and there was no way what he and I had would be strong enough to last over the distance, so I felt ready to call it a day on whatever it was that we had.

He said he was ‘frustrated and anguished’ with himself because it was mostly his fault. He held back (most likely in response to the fact that I was going to Japan soon). In some ways I sad that it’s over, but I’m glad that I tried in the relationship. I know more about myself and realised that I suit relationships where the guy is more involved. I know I need affection and attention. Casual is just not my thing.

As I said to him, we did the best with the cards we were given. The cards included me being slightly needy and requiring more support, him with past intimacy issues and me going to Japan soon. It was just not meant to be. It ended amicably and I said that I would still like to keep in contact in order to know how he’s doing and he said the same. I still like him as a person and wish him the best.

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