Today I am feeling like bah.
I don’t know if it’s lingering from the recent feelings of vulnerability I’m feeling or the fact that my birthday is coming up (I’m on the wrong side of 30!), but I just feel like something is wrong. Work yesterday was hard and I came to the point where I just wanted to cry.
My birthday is in late April and originally I was going to celebrate it in London. I have some friends, but not a strong social network. I have odd friends here and there from different points in my life. If I took away the male friends who I once dated or who reportedly fancied me, I calculated I would be left with between 3 – 5 friends.
I was looking at cheap flights via skyscanner and saw there were cheap flights to Thessaloniki in Greece and Malta, and I’m seriously tempted to just get away from it all and go somewhere else. I’ve had this feeling before though many times and don’t know if it’s just me trying to disappear or hide under a rock, which I do when I’m feeling vulnerable or upset. Would I be happier or more at peace if I celebrated turning 31 in a different part of Europe by myself? I’m not sure if I will appreciate the peace or will feel more bummed out. It’s hard to tell.
I just want someone to reach out and look after me. I don’t want to rely on my family and worry them with my neediness and anxiety however. It seems everyone has loads of friends or boyfriends and seem super happy smiley. I feel like I’m slightly cracking and don’t know if I will break.
I googled on what to do and came across this http://galadarling.com/article/100-things-to-do-when-youre-upset-the-sad-trombone-list/
It’s a bit silly, but some of these suggestions may work. I may:
“ Turn up music you really love. Play it so loudly that it soaks in through your skin. Dance in your pyjamas. Feel the pain lift.
Call a friend & ask them if they want to have a slumber party. [I would love to do this!]
Throw yourself head-first into a creative project. Something that you’re excited about but which feels a little too big for you. You’ll be so consumed by it that it will fuel you for ages.
Sing. Loudly. Badly. Off-key.
Write a list of things that you appreciate right now, in the present moment. Focus on each of them & let the love inside you well up. Even when things appear to be going really, really badly, there are always things to be happy about. (That’s one of the reasons why we do Things I Love Thursday — to help bring your attention back to the positive.)
Listen to old Motown hits. Come up with dance moves. Wear something sparkly & work it out. (DJ Z-Trip’s Motown Breakdown is an excellent time, too.)
Plan a holiday.
Spend an hour in your variety store of choice, set yourself a budget ($20?) & buy some junk. Lip treatments, candy, maybe an exfoliating scrub… Then go home & play with your new purchases. There’s a reason it’s called retail therapy, you know (though of course, it doesn’t last).
Go to a yoga class. Surrender & breathe deep.
Plan a party with a theme that makes you feel really, really happy.
Write a letter to yourself in the future. Then hide it. Maybe in the pocket of a coat you never, ever wear.
Colour your hair. (You can always dye it back.)
Notice where you hold tension in your body, & let it go.
Find a secret place with a great view. Like a tree, or a rooftop, or a hill.
Try on a pair of really, really expensive shoes & act like you’ll be back tomorrow, but you’re just going to go home & think about it. (Bonus points: take a photo of you in them. Often you will need to be stealthy about this but it’s worth doing.)”